


The Hangover: Enterprise Edition

by vgersix



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hangover, M/M, Multi, New Vulcan, Oops, Rand, Shore Leave, Spock/Uhura - Freeform, Wedding, drunk, janice rand - Freeform, kirk/spock - Freeform, kirk/spock/uhura - Freeform, yeoman rand - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgersix/pseuds/vgersix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[NOTE: This fic is incomplete and will probably never be finished. Sorry, bruh.]</p><p>Spock and Uhura are getting married! When they announce the wedding will be a non-traditional combination of Earth and Vulcan traditions, Kirk is obligated by the unspoken laws of best bro to throw Spock the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties. Spock is highly uncertain about this plan, but Uhura thinks it will be good for him and insists that he go and have a good time.</p><p>Next thing ya know, there's a tiger in the hotel bedroom, Bones is missing, and no one knows where they parked the shuttle. Can the boys make it to New Vulcan before Uhura is left groomless at the altar?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by this post on Tumblr of ZQ in a command gold shirt, looking somewhat disheveled and confused: http://nospockdasgay.tumblr.com/post/51855917645/treksfromlastnight-starfledgling-all-i-can

Kirk looked up from the chess board, shock plastered across his face. “Wait, you guys are getting married? Like, for real?”

Spock barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes in response to Jim's naked expression of surprise.

“Yes, Captain. Lieutenant Uhura and I have maintained our romantic relationship for 3.75 standard years as of today. Particularly by Earth standards, that is a reasonable amount of time to contemplate a long term commitment, is it not?”

Kirk looked down at the chess board before them and dug a fingertip into his lower lip, contemplating his next move. Hm, bishop to B7 wouldn't be bad. Unless... Spock's black castle mocked him from its position at H7. If Spock was paying close enough attention, which he always was, there was no way he'd miss the chance to take Jim's bishop. But on the other hand, Jim knew he could stand to sacrifice the bishop if it meant putting Spock's queen in a tight spot. And as of right now, the castle was her main line of defense. Moving to take the bishop would leave Spock's queen open to attack.

He thought it over for a minute, and tried to decide whether or not Spock would risk the queen or pass up an opportunity to take yet another of Jim's pieces. He already had a growing collection of white pieces to one side of the board, all set in a perfect line on the table. Jim grumbled inwardly at the sight of all those lost pieces, and decided to make the gamble. He snatched up the remaining white bishop, and set it firmly into place.

The expected eyebrow shot up, but Spock voiced no remark, settling his hands into a steepled gesture of contemplation on the table before him. Kirk slumped back into his chair, flinging an arm across the back, and prepared to wait several minutes while Spock considered all his options. He liked playing chess with Spock, but matches with the Vulcan could make for long nights, as he never failed to weigh all of the possibilities before making each careful move.

“I guess so, Spock. I wouldn't really know.”

Spock looked up suddenly, dropping his hands. “Captain?”

“If it's been long enough. To get married. I dunno. You're askin' the wrong guy.”

Spock nodded once, as if he'd gotten wrapped up in the game too, and had forgotten their conversation for the moment. Then he reached out toward the queen, but reconsidered at the last, and pulled his hand back to rest on his lap.

Kirk couldn't hold back just a little mischievous grin. “Put her in quite a spot, didn't I?”

Spock returned his glance with a withering glare. “I do not know what you mean, Captain.”

“Uh huh. Sure. Well, while you figure that out, I'm gonna go make another drink.”

Jim slapped both hands on his thighs and popped up out of his chair, heading for the kitchen.

He reached into the totally-regulation-compliant liquor cabinet and pulled out the bottle of saurian brandy he and Bones had been slowly working their way through since their last visit to Rigel 7. He held it up to the light, and pulled a face at the golden liquid inside. There was less of it than he'd anticipated.

“Spock?” He called into the other room, turning the bottle from side to side as if that would somehow increase the amount of liquor inside it.

“Yes, Jim.” Came the even reply of a man still absorbed in the chess board before him.

“How long since we took that weekend on Centauri VII?”

There was a moment's pause before Spock answered, “Fourty seven days, Captain. Why do you ask?”

“Fourty seven days?” He shrugged, grabbing a low ball glass from the cabinet, and slid it into the dispenser unite. “Damn. That's less than two months.” He shrugged and pressed a button for ice. The machine made a brief grinding noise before dispensing a single sphere of ice into the glass with a decisive clink.

“Don't suppose you wanna help me finish this off then?”

He heard the sound of a chair being pushed back in the other room, and the only slightly exasperated sigh he had come to expect from Spock when vexed with random and albeit sometimes meaningless human conversation.

“Captain.” Kirk turned to see Spock standing the doorway. “What is your interest in our recent visit to Centauri VII? I fail to see what bearing it has on the current line of conversation.”

Kirk chuckled and began to pour another drink, finishing off the bottle of Saurian brandy. “Man, you really are bent out of shape about that queen, aren't you?”

“No, Captain. I would simply like to continue and, if possible, complete this chess match sometime before 0300 hours this evening, if you will please return to the board.” Even with his back turned, Kirk could easily make out the strained irritation in Spock's voice, and continued to laugh to himself.

He spun around, drinks in hand, causing Spock to retreat back in surprise.

“All right, all right! You were the one taking forever to make a move!” Jim took a sip of his drink, holding the other out for Spock.

“Come on, I can't very well leave a spit of brandy in the bottle. You gotta help me finish this stuff off.”

“Ah. That is what you were referring to.” Spock reluctantly took the glass in hand. “You and Doctor McCoy are only so lucky you did not get caught bringing that on board.”

“Hey, Scotty was in on it too.” Kirk mused as he led them back to the living room and their chess board.

“And Mr. Scott as well. The bartering and smuggling of illicit goods onto a Starfleet vessel is a very serious offense, Jim.”

“Yeah, yeah. Drink up, Mr. Grumpypants.” Jim set his drink down and took in the chess board. He saw Spock's move, and he didn't like it.

“Make light all you want, Captain, but nothing changes the fact that if you were caught-”

“Okay, okay! We weren't caught though, and Jesus, Spock. It's not that serious. I mean, we're on a long term mission here, no one expects us to follow minor regulations regarding alcohol."

He paused, letting a slight grin spread across his face. "And if you wanna get technical, it's _technically_ against regulations to become involved in romantic or sexual relationships with fellow crewmen for the duration of a mission, but you don't see anyone court martialing you and Uhura for getting it on, do you?”

Spock's mouth snapped shut and his eyes went wide.

_Well, that shut him up_. Jim thought. _For about two seconds_.

“Captain, that is hardly comparable.”

Jim rolled his eyes, and took another swallow of the cool liquid that nonetheless warmed his throat all the way down.

“Oh, my mistake. That's totally different, obviously.”

“Yes, as-”

“Ooh!” Jim sat up in his chair, reaching for the bishop. He placed it directly in front of Spock's fast retreating queen.

He shot Spock a smug grin and reached for his drink again, easing back into the chair.

“So when's this wedding gonna be, anyway?” Kirk said, staring into his glass.

“Nyota wishes to take advantage of our unexpected shore leave occurring next month. And that is what I wished to speak with you about, Jim.”

Kirk perked up, setting down his glass and propping his elbows on the table.

“The ship's upgrades will take at least three weeks, and I understand that Starfleet has already allowed for a one month vacation time for the crew while the repairs are seen to?”

Kirk put up his hands. “Woah woah woah. Just how long have you guys been planning this thing?”

Spock frowned. “Planning? Nyota and I have considered a long term, legal marriage for some time now but-”

“No, no, not how long have you been planning the marriage. How long have you been planning the _wedding_?” He placed decided emphasis on the last word in his sentence and stared expectantly at Spock, who still appeared confused.

“I am afraid I do not understand. Does a wedding require a great deal of planning?”

Kirk nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Once he regained his senses, he sat down on the edge of his chair and took a deep breath.

“Okay, hold up. You mean to tell me you're getting married next month, and you haven't planned anything?”

Spock straightened up and raised his hands in his version of a shrug. “We had hoped for a chance to plan a ceremony in the near future, but considering the ship's tightly coordinated schedule of operations continuing into the next year, this unexpected leave may be the best opportunity given us. Nyota wishes to take advantage of the chance. She has made certain arrangements, and we have a location.”

“Oh, great! No, that's good. Where?”

Spock stared at a spot on the floor. “Well, that is what I had hoped to discuss with you, Jim. I am not certain as to your plans for your leave, however, if you are not to be otherwise engaged, Nyota and I would respectfully request your attendance.”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it!”

“It may prove difficult. We plan to be married on New Vulcan. And as I understand it, your presence will be required at Starfleet Headquarters for much of our time in space dock. If you will-”

“Oh wow, a Vulcan wedding?” Kirk pulled a face. “I mean, that's great if that's what you guys want... For some reason I just wouldn't have expected Uhura to go for that.”

Spock raised an eyebrow in a characteristic not smile and said, “No, certainly not. We are having a certain, blending of cultural practices, I suppose. A non-traditional part Human, part Vulcan ceremony.”

“That's great, Spock! And Starfleet can suck it. I'll be there.” He was rewarded with yet another raised eyebrow at the suggestion of what Starfleet could suck.

“Hey!” He said suddenly. “We gotta throw you a bachelor party!”

Spock squinted at him in confusion. “A... what kind of party?”

“Yeah, yeah! A bachelor party. And no, you can't refuse. It's part of the human tradition. You have to have a bachelor party. No arguments.”

Spock looked uncertain at best. “What are the traditions associated with this, bachelor party?”

Kirk grabbed his drink, and held it aloft in a mock toast.

“Well, we're gonna need a lot more of this, that's for damn sure.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeoman Rand talks Uhura down from a brief foray into Bridezilla mode, and takes on the role of wedding planner so Nyota can focus on real work rather than panicking over wedding insanity. It's time to put on our big girl pants and get to work!

“Janice, have you seen that data pad?” Uhura tugged on the rumpled comforter at the foot of her bed, lifting it up to look underneath. Janice came in from the living room with a cup of coffee in hand.

“I've seen a lot of data pads in my time. Which one?” she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

Uhura dropped the comforter and went to the dresser, picking up scarves and discarded pieces of jewelry that lay here and there. “My wedding planner. It's all on that one data pad. The pink one. You've seen it.”

“Oh, that. Yeah, it's in the kitchen still.”

The jangly silver earrings Uhura had been going through dropped to the vanity with a clatter and she strode into the other room.

“Thanks, Jan. Wondered where I left it.”

Janice sipped at her coffee and took in the state of the bedroom. “What a mess...” she mumbled under her breath.

“Honey, would you like me to clean up a bit while you're on shift today?” she called to Uhura in her most coaxing voice.

“What?” came the other woman's harsh reply. Janice turned to see Uhura's head stuck through the door, wedding planner in hand. “No! Janice, you're not my maid. Not even my yeoman. I'll clean up... later.” she gazed down at the pad in her hands and smacked the screen a few times with one perfectly manicured finger.

Janice looked at her contemplatively. “You're not getting stressed out, are you?”

Uhura's head shot up, locking eyes with Rand. “What? No, no, no. It's fine. I just...” she trailed off as her eyes scanned the contents of a message on the screen. Suddenly, her long brown ponytail listed to one side with a defeated shrug. “Well. That's fantastic.” she said flatly.

“What's wrong?”

“The florist just canceled.”

“What?!” Janice nearly dropped her coffee. “Oh, honey. Do they say why?”

Uhura resumed punching the pad with her index finger as she read over the rest of the message.

"It's not a big deal, it's just...” she took a steadying breath.

“Apparently they didn't realize it was an off-planet wedding, and they don't do off-planet. Which is really great, because they were the only florist I could find who could do what I wanted so last minute, and every other possible company is fully booked for at least the next six months, and... god...” she gripped the datapad in her hands and mock smacked it against her forehead.

“If I can't find an Earth-based florist... Gee, I don't know about you, but I kind of doubt the Vulcans have had time to put in a flower shop while they're busy, ya know... rebuilding their entire society!”

Janice set down her coffee and went to Uhura, putting a hand on either shoulder. “Okay, okay, okay. Just calm down, honey. We will fix this. Like you said, it's not even a big deal. We'll figure something out.”

Uhura looked up at her, nearly in tears. “It's just so stupid, ya know? And Spock would say I'm being illogical even worrying about something as pointless as flowers, but... It's my wedding, Jan! And it's the only one I'm ever going to have! But this all came up so fast, and now I just have to get everything sorted as soon as possible; and there's just no time!” she dissolved into a series of pitiful gasps that threatened to devolve into full blown sobbing.

“Okay. Listen here. Give me that.” Janice plucked the data pad from Uhura's hands and tucked it under her arm.

“From now on, I am your wedding planner. These things happen. This is how planning a wedding is supposed to go. You plan one thing, it doesn't work out. You cry, you freak out, you move on. This is us moving on. I will get this sorted today. That's a promise.”

This little pep talk seemed to calm Nyota down a bit, and she took another deep breath to regain her composure.

“Okay.”

“Now you, Lieutenant, are going to put on your big girl pants and go to work. You're due on the bridge in,” Rand checked the clock blinking at them from the wall terminal. ”Fifteen minutes. And I- Well first I've got to take the captain his coffee, and then I'm going to sit down and do some research and find you the most kick ass florist in the quadrant. Got it?”

Nyota sniffled a bit, and wiped her eyes. “Thanks, Janice.”

“Your colors and flower selections and everything are still on here, yeah?” she indicated the datapad tucked under her sleeve.

“Yeah. It's all in there.”

“Okay. Great. Then it's time for you to get to the bridge, and don't give this another thought. I'll take care of everything.”

Nyota smiled, and ran two fingers underneath her eyes to clear the last of the tears away.

Janice smiled and said, “You're good. Thank god for waterproof eyeliner.” Nyota laughed, and embraced the other woman in a tight hug.

“Thank you so much, Janice. You're the best.”

Rand shrugged and looked toward the ceiling with a sardonic shift of her hips. “I know. You can thank me later.”

And with that, Uhura turned on one booted heel and trotted off toward the bridge. Big girl pants indeed. Even if they were only metaphorical.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr: [k/s blog](http://spirkian.tumblr.com/) | [personal blog](http://spacemohawks.tumblr.com) | [email me](mailto:doublepluswrites@gmail.com)


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